One thing that might work ignore them people hate that build your own life and I bet the fam will come back. I am so glad you are intelligent enough to know these things and caring enough to point the fact out to others. Your better of and are lucky in ways you cant imagine, what if it where the opposite and you getting divorced meant you found out he never cared and fucked off entirely and made no effort to pay alimony/child support(unless there above 18) and didnt make an effort to know his children? Its also true that within his social circle, he now keeps the door open to get back with his ex. I do not like being around him since he thinks he can still tell me what to do, how to do it and when to do it. They have already booked and paid for the flights so I guess we are committed. 'He says their relationship has been sexless for years.' I have a similar situation going on, but with a twist. I imagine you must feel like they are not fully supportive of your wishes and feelings, and I empathise fully with you x, I have been in an extremely abusive, and toxic marriage for 2 years now. so happy 2 herre from me he also told me he love me . That was my other issue about it.is that the whole thing kind of prevents the new partner from being incorporated in a way that feels like theres enough space for them. relationships have to end because you changed your mind about being married? What sort of man deliberately engineers this kind of situation? Once again, I put myself out there to my sisters hoping they would see him for what he truly is. It only makes for an uncomfortable situation and possible heat/arguments/embarrassment that couldve been avoided in the first place. Your reply also suggests that a) you have been an abusive person in a relationship and/or b) someone close to you has cut you off due to your behaviour or c) you are stuck in an abusive relationship yourself and wildly defensive against those of us who break free because it makes you feel uncomfortable on a subconscious level. He constantly contacts my brothers wife and gives her the woe is me sob story and she feels sorry for him. They were all aware that he was an absentee and that he continues to terrorize and abuse me . . There are also ways to stay in touch with an ex's family without staying friends, if that's something you're interested in. I believe she said she did talk to a professional and thats what the PROFESSIONAL labeled them. I was married for 13 years before I finally cut ties with my ex and we got divorced. He spoke to his mother, and shebecause he can't force her to do anythingtold him she'll invite who she wants. It doesnt matter how much time has passed! Very disrespectful of your family to not consider your feelings. I would move to another town find a man with a good family and leave them suckers with him basically they blame you for you two not being together and they like him better, it would all fall apart if you walked up in there with a guy way better looking with a good job a nice ride and he just stay close and support you during a gathering then the kids get to know him you guys go do things together you just need to move on to someone great!!!! S exactly! That ends when they divorce. I got my answer, when Im no longer here. Oh and if wanting to live a life with people who genuinely care about me and dont want me to live in fear makes me selfish then so be it!!!!! it is not normal to keep the ex in the family even if he is a nice person. Now you are making a public post to garner the sympathy you crave, from strangers, because your previous actions have meant that you no longer receive sympathy from your family. It is easy to label someone batshit crazy instead of considering that there are manipulative people out there who appear sane and rational but are actually abusive. It looks as though I am already being alienated from my niece and nephew and blamed for causing emotional stress for them and feel manipulated into returning to toe the line. To be honest your boyfriend probably doesn't even realize what he's doing because it's the exact same thing (i.e. She invites them (ex, gf, my kids) to her house for gatherings and excludes me. Its been 10 years. If her sister would rather have the ex come to Thanksgiving, knowing that this woman her her five (LDS?) After the separation and divorce My Ex pretty much had cut all ties with her family. Ive been dating Tom for 1 year and our relationship is perfect, but it bothers me a little how close Nina is to his family. He has been helping men and women get relationship succes since 2008. Still supportive? Gut wrenching. Or by navigating to the user icon in the top right. I'll like to advise you not to jump into conclusions based on number 1. My ex is very like able and similar to my sister and mother as he is a narcissist. They feel they have to keep things going with her in order to see the kids. "Both parties have to have some understanding and empathy for what the other has been going through and why things didnt work out. I could not even tell my own family. Her kids are very lucky to have so many people involved in their lives. Agreed completelythis family is very disrespectful, and I am sure he loves the foolishness of what they are doing (and the girlfriend too) it likely makes their day, SMH. Her advice, I need to focus on my kids succeeding and pull myself together because I am all they have and to break ties with them forever as they will only continue to cause me more hurt. You are not alone! Its just me and my kids; and even them hes slowly turned them away from me! The arrogance of believing what suits you rather than being human enough to remember there are 2 sides to EVERY story and that NO ONE knows what goes on behind closed doors. Youre too jealous and resentful to let your children have a decent relationship with their own goddamn father. The older children cant stand any of them and say they are jeoulous of me . You having to be in uncomfortable situations with your ex husband/wife is going to happen and your going to have to deal with it in one way or another. Recently, She also got a new boyfriend so was no longer in need of our services. Yes he is just playing them all like a fiddle! I cannot express the hurt that this has caused me. His family doesnt even call them on their birthday. Be strong! I then started a conversation with my mom, explaining how I will appreciate her support and love, how her grand daughter needs assurance and stability from her. I too have gone thru this and still am 3 years later! In closing, if you have doubts about the boundaries your boyfriend has or doesn't have with his ex, you need to talk to him and ask him for an honest answer: is he in it for the kid and the friendship, or is he still in love? I Completely understand this situation. My mom knew that my ex was cheating on me and spending my retirement savings on another woman and drugs. But my nephew thinks its ok because he is his uncle. Anyone have any advice for us? I dont mean romantic, exactly. He was good to MY family BUT so was I. The Ex is being more of a son to us than my own child is acting like a daughter. After 6 years of being all but disowned, my family started to warm back up to me a little, all the while cherishing him, which put our kids in a weird position. He has his own family unit with the children and then he has his extended family (or not). My son keeps a very distant, casual relationship with him but has no respect for him now that he is older and sees him for what he is. Its been almost a decade since my divorce and my ex will be with our 4 grown (all in their 20s now) kids for Thanksgiving. When Will Spousal Support Be a Factor in a Divorce Case? How terrifying and awkward. Do I just give in and be miserable or choose to be happy and not go to family functions? I agree completely that your family should respect your wishes of you not wanting to be around your ex husband all of the time and they need prioritize you being at family functions and events over your ex. Wouldnt answer my call or text. A good man, a good father. This is not on! I couldnt wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them. Who gives a shit what you are being combative about with your ex who seems like a dedicated enough father to put up with you delusional crap and stick it out for the kids. Yes, depending on the depth and length of his previous relationship. My alcoholic, manipulative ex has kissed up to my sister and her husband and the have done several things behind my back. Gtfo with ur victim shaming. Do what YOU need to do for YOUR mental health!! A However, I still spend time with his mom when he is back across country, who is elderly and in poor health, and I see no issue with that. Thats wrong. And if you dont like this for whatever reason, its a very bad sign. And the ex partner? Take care x, angela rutherking (@angelarutherki1) says, EFFECTIVE AND POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER AND LOTTERY SPELL, I honestly dont know what I would have done without Lord SAN. My sister never comes to see me either so her point is completely invalid about that anyway. With family like this, who needs enemies. Although its been hard on my own, I made the right choice for me and my kids. 2.1K opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic. This will make the girlfriend uncomfortable and you will find that they attend your family functions less and less. because if you choose him we have to say our goodbyes its tough love. After years of angst I felt we had become one extended family until I left my abusive husband and it seemed to me that my fathers original wounds from my mother leaving were reawakened and I became the scapegoat for his and that side of the families judgement. Until it happens to individuals personally they will never understand the magnitude of pain a person lives with. It keeps me up at night and breaks my heart. I feel for you. Wow, I totally agree with you. For 6 months etc) as well as stealing money from the family They just want everyone to get along. I watched for almost 20 years as the ex and my family went on vacations, cruses Like 7 years before I knew either of them. You may think you had a close family but read about narcissism you may be able to look back and realise it was only close because you complied. My heart aches for you. And perhaps he doesnt carry bitterness because he never truly loved your daughter. I was closer to his mother than I was ever to my own, but his family has cut me out completely. You dont overcome it you just find a way to deal with it. So years went by and barely any conversations ever were initiated by my family of their opinions on what to do. I totally feel your pain. NOPE!! He even forged documents to try and cheat me out of the equity of our property! She had none of these issues. Ive called her on this and told her it is inappropriate. She needs to find out why she still holds such resentment about him. He knew my Mom and I had long term issues we had been working thru. The sister and her family I was closest to has chosen to continue to have him in their lives even though I finally told her some of the issues in my marriage, hoping that would change. The result is that the family expects this and expects you to get along and make due with the relationships that you asked them to build. My parents say Im holding grudges and i forgiveness but its far beyond that! Yeah, it sucks for a lot of us. Im so sad to hear so many of us are suffering the same thing. Thank you for this. Those are his kids. IF they want to keep a personal relationship with your ex( has nothing to do with the kids), why cant she see him another time? Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephews ball games. Some people dont seem to feel the emotional bond for family that should come naturally. Someone who gets off on power and control. I know exactly how you feel. About 1wk he later, I was visiting my grandparents and his Truck is parked next door at my Mothers rental house and hes living there and coming to my 90yr old grandparents to eat dinner everyday. Why should someone have to sever ties with their in-laws after divorce? And she laps it up, why do they not see how painful it is? Required fields are marked *. Her mother helped her along in her disowning me of course. It doesnt, especially if they dont want it to. I too have had to deal with a similar situation. It is my opinion that when your child gets married two people become one and family emerge as one. I was married for 12 years. I feel sorry for my ex husbands new partner because she will sadly see the light in the long run. That was one of the hardest Thanksgivings for me. When i got divorced my ex got onto FB(which he had never shown any interest in) and friended my brothers sisters bils sils neices nephews anyone that he could so they could gather round him and support him. The final straw was when he destroyed the entire house one Christmas Eve while I had been with family. Where is his family? It ceases when your boyfriend stops showing up at events when his ex is present. Practically, I could see it made sense . My step-dad past away 7 years before my ex and I broke it off and so my ex was very good to my mother and still did repairs to the house and even after we split up her still did home repairs for her. I told him to explain and he wouldnt. All you need to do is sign up with your email and boom: credit for your preorder on a new Samsung device. I wish I had better advice. Do you even know what are you saying?! Go with your gut. Her family is also his family. They are being beyond insensitve to their own flesh and blood . They, however, see a good dad and boyfriend. They do this even though they know it pains me. My family even took family pictures with my kids and my ex and I wasnt in them. There are occasions where they all come together like a special occasion run by an education provider. YOU have the problemnot everyone else. Not too long ago she screen shot a message tha. I know there may come a day when he moves back here and I will never see any of them again. His own family was highly supportive of him. All are grown adults, respect each others opinion to disagree. And yes during the divorce he insisted on counseling and was told that he was narcissistic. Very, very selfish person. If your entire family, including your parents like the guy, maybe he wasnt so bad? Let all of them know how you feel and know that a healthy family will try to accommodate you. He still tried to bully me to this day. I went to counseling to sort out some similar issues and it helped me, it might help you as well. They should not be including him in family gatherings. If there's one key sign that your man is still in love with his ex, it's when he chooses her over you. 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